I Don’t Exercise to Be Smaller — I Exercise to Feel Alive

I recently did a HYROX challenge, in which I attended approximately two classes a week (on average) and gave up added sugar (I still ate dates and the like, but no candy bars, etc.). I didn’t do this to lose weight or get more toned. I’ve never had a six-pack and never will—although I do think I gained muscle.I did this to really push myself—physically and mentally. To see how far I could take my body. And whether this high-intensity workout was something I could do or maybe even enjoy.

I loved it.

High intensity isn’t something I crave every day. But on days when my mind is working overtime, worrying about everything, this is the perfect way to shut it off. It also gave me the most amazing endorphin rush after every workout. Sure, there were plenty of moments when I felt like I would collapse and questioned my life decisions. But after almost every workout, I couldn’t wait for the next one.

Another part of what I loved about HYROX was this: it didn’t feel like it was about how we looked. (Which, as women, is almost always relevant.) It was about what our bodies could do. I loved being partnered with strong women. They inspired me to try harder, grab heavier weights, and run faster. The high-fives, dripping in sweat between exercises, kept me going. We didn’t look cute or Instagram-ready, but we felt incredibly strong and capable.

This is what I want for myself and my daughter. This is what I want for all women: to know that their bodies are a gift—a tool to experience life. We don’t need to look a certain way for anyone. Of course, if you want to wear a cute outfit and feel confident in how you look, that’s a beautiful thing. But it shouldn’t outweigh how you feel in your body. It shouldn’t matter more than being strong and capable. Or appreciating how incredible we are.

I used to work in a very Instagrammable Pilates studio, where many participants were more interested in photos than the workout itself. That’s why I feel so happy now when I meet women whose priorities align more closely with mine. I’ve never been someone who wears much makeup or spends a lot of time getting ready or looking in the mirror. Not that there’s anything wrong with taking pride in how you look—it’s just not my thing. I’m the kind of person who chooses comfort over fashion.

But I have had a history of disordered eating in my teenage years. It was so hard not to see skinny models on magazine covers or on TV and feel okay in my body. Luckily, with age and experience, my perspective has shifted dramatically. I no longer count calories or put myself on diets. The decisions I make about how I fuel my body and how I move it are directly connected to how I feel and what my body and soul need at any given moment.

I don’t work out to punish myself or to counterbalance that huge cookie I ate at lunch, but rather to give myself energy for the rest of the day. To stay strong for my kids, so I can be active and present—and hopefully one day play with my grandkids. I want to live a long, healthy life.

Maybe it is also my experience with loss that has shifted my perspective. I’ve realized this: no one dies regretting a piece of homemade cake baked with love. Or not fitting into a certain size. Or what the number on the scale said.

When I die, I want to remember the beautiful connections I had with the people I love. The fun memories. The messy ice cream sundaes. How my strong body carried my babies—and maybe one day my grandbabies. How much fun I had. How deeply I loved.

Not how I fit into some arbitrary, unrealistic beauty standard set by people I don’t even know or care about.

This is why I move my body. To love myself.

And it’s a beautiful cycle. The more I move, the more gratitude I feel for my body. And the more I learn to love myself.

Repeat.

Maybe the question isn’t “how should I look?”
But “how do I want to feel?”

Let that guide the way you move.
Let it be enough.

Love,
Katie