Connecting to Your True Self

 I have taken countless yoga classes (as a student), taught a fair number of yoga classes (as a teacher), completed (almost) 835 hours of various teacher training, and yet this is still something I am trying to figure out. If I'm lucky, on those days where things seem to work out, where the stars are aligned, when I get to my final relaxation and breathe, deepening into a state of meditation, I sense a connection to my true self. To that being, made of love and connected to all things. The outer edges of my body fade and I exist as my breath, as pure love and energy. No boundaries, limitless in my existence.

How can I get there again? I wish this was something I could easily turn "on" when I feel lost or the need to quiet my mind and connect to who I know I really am. Something bigger than this physical body. Stronger, more full of love and light. Unfortunately, I don’t always feel this connection and I can't just call upon it when I'm in the mood.

My yoga and meditation practices have enriched my life in so many ways. I am more comfortable in my physical body, I feel more connected to my own needs and desires. But I have also caught glimpses of this true self, and this seems to be the most beautiful result of all.

By now most of us know that yoga is more than just moving the body around.  Patanjali wrote about the Eight Limbs of Yoga in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, the physical practice (Asana) being one of them. Another of these limbs is Dhyana, also known as meditation.

Michael Singer put it beautifully in "The Untethered Soul" when he wrote:

"When you comtemplate the nature of Self, you are meditating. That is why meditation is the highest state, It is the return to the root of your being, the simple awareness of being aware. Once you become conscious of the consciousness itself, you attain a totally different state. You are now aware of who you are. You have become an awakened being. Its really just the most natural thing in the world"

Funny that what he calls the most natural thing in the world seems to be, for me at least and I think for most people, the elusive goal of countless hours of yoga and meditation.  Of course it feels like the most natural experience in those rare more moments where I have experienced this glimpse of my true self, but why is it so elusive?

He elaborates, "Just ask 'Who am I? Who sees when I see? Who hears when I hear? Who knows that I am aware? Who am I?'" As much as I love how simple this sounds, I also hate how simple this sounds. It is a reminder that some of the most simple ideas are the most challenging to implement, to really grasp and comprehend on a deeper level.

Just like the culture and society we live in, I fall victim to expectations of instant gratification. When I catch myself with these thoughts, I try to remember that this life is about more than the end results: its about the journey, not the destination. And what a beautiful reminder this is. The journey of practicing yoga and meditation (sometimes, not always) feels sooooo good. That moment at the beginning of my asana practice when I lean forward onto all fours and move my spine in  and out of cat-cow. Pushing the earth away as I round my spine, exhaling, and tuck my chin, then inhaling deeply as I open my heartspace towards the sky above, tummy dropping toward the earth. If this is the journey, then sign me up for more. Or during meditation, when I come back to myself, back to my breath, fully aware of each inhale and exhale.

I know that the more I practice, the more I will experience this connection to my true self,  and in the mean time, I am trying  to enjoy (or at least appreciate) every minute, not just on the mat, but in life. Every breath I take, I am grateful to be here, with a healthy body, a roof over my head, delicious food to eat and surrounded by people I love. How lucky I am to enjoy this life?!? And when I catch glimpses of something deeper, I know that it’s all worth it. The pain and suffering, the hard days and the struggle. Its all worth it because the gratitude I have for my life is based in love. Love for myself and love for all beings. Love for this life and love for everything that happens.

The more I connect to this love, the more I connect to my true authentic self. Its not always easy and I sometimes forget to love (myself and others), but its always there, deep down inside of me. And when I feel it, I know that everything is ok.

Namaste